Joey and I are making plans to move to Fairfield, OH. Man, it's back and forth with all this moving. I don't know exactly how I feel about moving. Of course, with moving comes a lot more responsibility and now that Joey is getting out of the Army this summer, it is going to be extremely scary to live life in the civilian world without that secure paycheck that the Army offers. However, we know that we aren't the first people to make the transition from military life to civilian life. It will be hard to get used to but I know that we will survive.
Sophia turned 3 today. We celebrated her birthday yesterday. She enjoyed herself. It was a small celebration with Joey's dad and step mom and his nephew. Debbie's sister showed up right before Sophia opened her gifts. Today was very low key as I wasn't feeling well. I took Sophia to the park for a bit and came home and we played with her new toys. She's been under the weather with her allergies, so she wasn't up to having too much fun. I really do have an amazing little girl. She knows how to perk me up when I'm feeling down. She's so aware of emotions of other people and compassionate towards them. Every day, I am constantly amazed with how her little mind works. I love watching her grow up and figure things out.
Last night I was crying and Sophia rarely sees me cry but I couldn't help it last night. She stopped what she was doing and walked over to me and asked me, "What's wrong mommy?". I replied with, "nothing baby, I'm fine. Just sad" and she looked at me and said, " Are you sad b/c you lost your friends?". hahaha. I couldn't help but laugh. I replied, "yes, baby". So she sits down on the couch next to me and starts patting my back and says, "Don't worry mommy. It's okay. I'll find your friends". I held her tight and told her I loved her. She has such a big heart for a little girl her age. I am very proud of her and overwhelmed by her personality. I adore her.
Joey comes home on April 20th. I'm very excited! I am so ready to have him home. I have missed having his companionship. We've been through a great deal this deployment. It wasn't all bad though, a lot of what we went through has taught us both a lot about each other and what this marriage means to us. I would like to think that what we went through from September to now, has strengthened us as a couple and as individuals.
Things aren't perfect but they are far better than they used to be. It excites me.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Finding Peace?
Lately, I've been battling a personal battle with a certain someone and events took place two months ago that apparently, to this day, still have a miserable effect on me. All I can do is ignore it...for now. How do you find peace with yourself when the problem will virtually always be apart of your life? How do you move on and create happiness when the problem will always come showing up, creating havoc? I'm not one to hold grudges, I'm a peace maker, I'm a lover, I'm the type to forgive easily and move on. However, this ONE person, has shown me a whole new side to what I'm capable of feeling and it absolutely, without a doubt...sucks. I've let this person get the best of me and for some reason it's holding me down. I can't shake it.
I've been through some horrific, miserable things in my life and I've always learned to cope and forgive the people who have wronged me. I moved on. So, why can't I move on with this person? It really has been eating at me and has turned me into this negative person. If you know me, you know that I'm not negative. You know that I like to be optimistic and find ways to look for the happiness in little things. I'm still that person but at the same time, I have to work harder every day to be happy with myself. It's never taken this much work. I don't hold people responsible for my happiness, so why can't I just forget about this person and move on? Why does this person have this effect on me and why do I allow her (oops, cat's out of the bag) to continue to dig her nails into my skin and wound me?
I refuse to talk to this person b/c nothing I say (nor what anyone says) will make a difference. This person is in her own world and has created this delusion/illusion that she is of no fault of anything that she has done to other people, including myself. Knowing this, I should just accept that she'll never change and that obviously the only solution is to cut her out of my life, as I have done for the past 2 months BUT even doing so, something about her just gets under my skin. Hearing her in conversation makes me cringe, makes me mad. Receiving random text messages from her, trying to guilt trip me, send me into a stressed state of mind.
What is a person to do? How do I find peace with this?
Realize, that most of my questions are rhetorical. I needed to write about this b/c I can't get it off my mind.
I've been through some horrific, miserable things in my life and I've always learned to cope and forgive the people who have wronged me. I moved on. So, why can't I move on with this person? It really has been eating at me and has turned me into this negative person. If you know me, you know that I'm not negative. You know that I like to be optimistic and find ways to look for the happiness in little things. I'm still that person but at the same time, I have to work harder every day to be happy with myself. It's never taken this much work. I don't hold people responsible for my happiness, so why can't I just forget about this person and move on? Why does this person have this effect on me and why do I allow her (oops, cat's out of the bag) to continue to dig her nails into my skin and wound me?
I refuse to talk to this person b/c nothing I say (nor what anyone says) will make a difference. This person is in her own world and has created this delusion/illusion that she is of no fault of anything that she has done to other people, including myself. Knowing this, I should just accept that she'll never change and that obviously the only solution is to cut her out of my life, as I have done for the past 2 months BUT even doing so, something about her just gets under my skin. Hearing her in conversation makes me cringe, makes me mad. Receiving random text messages from her, trying to guilt trip me, send me into a stressed state of mind.
What is a person to do? How do I find peace with this?
Realize, that most of my questions are rhetorical. I needed to write about this b/c I can't get it off my mind.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Arizona.
I used to love arizona when I was younger. I always wanted to move back.
Now that I'm back in Arizona. I hate it. I despise Joey's oldest sister, Teresa. I got angry at her while Joey was home for R&R and yelled at her and told her everything I felt about her. She is the most vile person I have ever met in my life. Her wretched behavior is so intolerable. She's 28 and acts like she's 16. She steals. She never cleans her house b/c she feels that it's just going to get dirty again so what's the point? She sits on her butt all day living off the government when there is nothing wrong with her. She just knows how to work the system. She manipulates and guilt trips. Every time I allow her to watch Sophia, Sophia comes back sick.
So when Teresa's 12 year old son found out that I yelled at her, he called me and threatened me. No one did anything. Everyone in this family is in denial about Teresa's behavior. They all tell me to ignore it. But i CAN'T! It's so destructive. I even reached out to my father in laws wife and asked her for help and she couldn't offer any advice or wisdom b/c she said there's no controlling Teresa. She has been this way her whole life. So it's either get used to it or don't.
I told Teresa, she is no longer welcome at our house. She is no longer allowed to see Sophia. So I don't know what's going to happen. I'm really upset.
Next week I'll be looking for a job. Joey gets back from Iraq in May. He gets out of the Army in July.
Sophia is such a handful. She's nonstop on the go. It's stressful. Once I start working, I will put her in daycare. I am excited for her. She needs interaction with other kids. Right now she is just bored out of her mind being at home all the time with me. I don't blame her. I'm bored too. It doesn't help that we live in a podunk small town. There's really nothing to do here b/c we live in a retirement community. Everything here closes real early. Movie theatres last showing is at 7pm. There's two grocery stores here. There's one way out of this town and one way in. (HWY 87). A couple weeks ago they had to close the 87 down b/c of mudslides and icy conditions. So we were all stuck up here for a few days. Kinda scary.
I've lost 35 pounds and I haven't had a cigarette in 8 days. I'm feeling good about that. Hopefully soon I will have a job and I will feel better about things in general.
Well that's it for now.
Now that I'm back in Arizona. I hate it. I despise Joey's oldest sister, Teresa. I got angry at her while Joey was home for R&R and yelled at her and told her everything I felt about her. She is the most vile person I have ever met in my life. Her wretched behavior is so intolerable. She's 28 and acts like she's 16. She steals. She never cleans her house b/c she feels that it's just going to get dirty again so what's the point? She sits on her butt all day living off the government when there is nothing wrong with her. She just knows how to work the system. She manipulates and guilt trips. Every time I allow her to watch Sophia, Sophia comes back sick.
So when Teresa's 12 year old son found out that I yelled at her, he called me and threatened me. No one did anything. Everyone in this family is in denial about Teresa's behavior. They all tell me to ignore it. But i CAN'T! It's so destructive. I even reached out to my father in laws wife and asked her for help and she couldn't offer any advice or wisdom b/c she said there's no controlling Teresa. She has been this way her whole life. So it's either get used to it or don't.
I told Teresa, she is no longer welcome at our house. She is no longer allowed to see Sophia. So I don't know what's going to happen. I'm really upset.
Next week I'll be looking for a job. Joey gets back from Iraq in May. He gets out of the Army in July.
Sophia is such a handful. She's nonstop on the go. It's stressful. Once I start working, I will put her in daycare. I am excited for her. She needs interaction with other kids. Right now she is just bored out of her mind being at home all the time with me. I don't blame her. I'm bored too. It doesn't help that we live in a podunk small town. There's really nothing to do here b/c we live in a retirement community. Everything here closes real early. Movie theatres last showing is at 7pm. There's two grocery stores here. There's one way out of this town and one way in. (HWY 87). A couple weeks ago they had to close the 87 down b/c of mudslides and icy conditions. So we were all stuck up here for a few days. Kinda scary.
I've lost 35 pounds and I haven't had a cigarette in 8 days. I'm feeling good about that. Hopefully soon I will have a job and I will feel better about things in general.
Well that's it for now.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
dropping weight
So far I have lost 20 pounds, I have 15 more to go to reach my goal weight! I'm very excited right now. it's been a lot of hard work and I know that these last 15 pounds will be the hardest struggle but I'm determined to lose it all.
I'm going to visit my dad in MO in a couple weeks. After I get back, I'm going to get a full time job and put sophia in day care/pre school. She needs other kids to play with. She is so bored cooped up here at the house all the time and I feel bad for her. It will be great for her to learn more social skills too. She's a very polite little girl. Get's along great with other kids. She's never shy around other kids. Walks right up to them and say "HI...what are you doing?" I love her to death! she is so amazing.
Joey seems to be doing better with this deployment than the last deployment. His self esteem seems to have improved as well. Hopefully it means good things for the future. Who knows though. We will take it day by day for now and see where it goes.
His R&R is supposed to be in January but as of now we still don't know for sure. He said that his brigade told them there is a possibility of them leaving Iraq in March b/c a lot of troops are being pulled out. I'm not holding my breath on that one b/c the Army has a great way of getting your hopes up for nothing. He's been gone 17 weeks tomorrow.
Caitlin is doing pretty good. She started freshmen year this year. She's in trainers, going to the football games and helping any of the injured players. She's taking German and getting involved with the drama team at church. I can't believe she's in H.S already. Makes me feel old man.
Mom is doing about the same. She still can't sleep and she's always in pain from either her on going headaches or her rheumatoid in her back. The dr's can't do anything for her. She's depressed and it's killing me to see her this way. I can relate with her b/c I have a hard time sleeping as well and it's exhausting. I can't imagine living life in pain on a day to day basis and not having any relief from it. :(
My dad is going to be 47 soon and he texted me the other night about how he needs to come to grips with his weight b/c it's depressing him to be so over weight. He weighs close to 400 pounds. He has a lot of health issues b/c of him being over weight. I really do hope that he can lose this weight. It concerns me highly. Despite our differences, I still love him. I don't want anything to happen to him.
Anyway, that's all for now.
I'm going to visit my dad in MO in a couple weeks. After I get back, I'm going to get a full time job and put sophia in day care/pre school. She needs other kids to play with. She is so bored cooped up here at the house all the time and I feel bad for her. It will be great for her to learn more social skills too. She's a very polite little girl. Get's along great with other kids. She's never shy around other kids. Walks right up to them and say "HI...what are you doing?" I love her to death! she is so amazing.
Joey seems to be doing better with this deployment than the last deployment. His self esteem seems to have improved as well. Hopefully it means good things for the future. Who knows though. We will take it day by day for now and see where it goes.
His R&R is supposed to be in January but as of now we still don't know for sure. He said that his brigade told them there is a possibility of them leaving Iraq in March b/c a lot of troops are being pulled out. I'm not holding my breath on that one b/c the Army has a great way of getting your hopes up for nothing. He's been gone 17 weeks tomorrow.
Caitlin is doing pretty good. She started freshmen year this year. She's in trainers, going to the football games and helping any of the injured players. She's taking German and getting involved with the drama team at church. I can't believe she's in H.S already. Makes me feel old man.
Mom is doing about the same. She still can't sleep and she's always in pain from either her on going headaches or her rheumatoid in her back. The dr's can't do anything for her. She's depressed and it's killing me to see her this way. I can relate with her b/c I have a hard time sleeping as well and it's exhausting. I can't imagine living life in pain on a day to day basis and not having any relief from it. :(
My dad is going to be 47 soon and he texted me the other night about how he needs to come to grips with his weight b/c it's depressing him to be so over weight. He weighs close to 400 pounds. He has a lot of health issues b/c of him being over weight. I really do hope that he can lose this weight. It concerns me highly. Despite our differences, I still love him. I don't want anything to happen to him.
Anyway, that's all for now.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
5 more pics of sophia
the 3rd picture is of a sky diver at the hot air balloon festival with the american flag. it was pretty cool.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
in ohio
well it's been about 4 weeks since i've been in ohio. things are going okay i suppose. Joey's been gone about 11 weeks now. time is going really slow.
Sophia is getting so big. She loves Frank. Follows him everywhere.
It's taking a lot of time adjusting to living with other people outside my own little family.
Caitlin and I are getting along. There was a couple incidents that caused me to go off on her but since then, everything has been pretty smooth.
I've been trying to keep sophia busy. We went up to PA to see an old friend of mine. I took her to the lake and the fair up there and she had a blast! She rode her first kiddie rides and petted her first goat, duck, and rabbit. I took pictures. Hopefully i can find time to post them on here.
Back here in Miamisburg, I took her to the Hot air balloon festival and she had fun with that as well. We went with franks son and his wife and their 2 kids.
Since I've been up here it has been pretty chilly weather. It hasn't felt like summer at all. It's pretty bizarre.
Joey is doing okay. He's been pretty busy in Iraq. Which is good b/c that leaves him with less time to think about things that would depress him. He has to switch roles sometimes from gun truck driver to the actual gunner of the gun truck. It bothers me but there's nothing I can do. I am looking forward to his R&R, whenever that is.
oh! I went down 2 pant sizes. I'm pretty excited!!
I don't know if Christina can read this but if she can I just wanted to congratulate you again on your pregnancy! I bet you are going to make a fantastic mommy!
I love you all even if we have lost touch over the past few years.
Syra
Sophia is getting so big. She loves Frank. Follows him everywhere.
It's taking a lot of time adjusting to living with other people outside my own little family.
Caitlin and I are getting along. There was a couple incidents that caused me to go off on her but since then, everything has been pretty smooth.
I've been trying to keep sophia busy. We went up to PA to see an old friend of mine. I took her to the lake and the fair up there and she had a blast! She rode her first kiddie rides and petted her first goat, duck, and rabbit. I took pictures. Hopefully i can find time to post them on here.
Back here in Miamisburg, I took her to the Hot air balloon festival and she had fun with that as well. We went with franks son and his wife and their 2 kids.
Since I've been up here it has been pretty chilly weather. It hasn't felt like summer at all. It's pretty bizarre.
Joey is doing okay. He's been pretty busy in Iraq. Which is good b/c that leaves him with less time to think about things that would depress him. He has to switch roles sometimes from gun truck driver to the actual gunner of the gun truck. It bothers me but there's nothing I can do. I am looking forward to his R&R, whenever that is.
oh! I went down 2 pant sizes. I'm pretty excited!!
I don't know if Christina can read this but if she can I just wanted to congratulate you again on your pregnancy! I bet you are going to make a fantastic mommy!
I love you all even if we have lost touch over the past few years.
Syra
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